October – Resilience
Have you ever heard the saying, “Children are resilient. They bounce back like that!” The older I get, the more I question that observation. I think several factors come into play for that to be true. For example, how big is the personal challenge requiring resilience? Has the child ever been taught how to utilize patience and wisdom while needing to be resilient? Has someone ever displayed patience, wisdom, and resilience to the child in a time of struggle? These are logical questions for any educator. Frankly, logical thoughts for anyone turning on the news to find that someone has been arrested for assault because their fast food order was incorrect. If we can’t keep it together because we didn’t order pickles but we got them anyway, friends, we are not resilient.
Scripture tells us that God’s approach to parenting is filled with love, boundaries, and structure. The result will be a child with resilience. Our job as parents is to use the Lord’s approach for the long term to help them grow in decision-making, patience, choosing friends, temperament, and more. Experts say there are four foundational stages to be mastered by children but also nurtured by their parents in order for the quality of resilience to exist. The first is attachment- a sense of belonging; that no matter what, the child knows there is one place he/ she belongs and is loved unconditionally and always will be. Once that is established, confidence begins to grow enough for the next stage, separation, to occur. The child is able to stretch out and form other relationships that are more challenging, good or bad, requiring choices and emotions. This leads to integration, where the student has longer relationships involving deeper emotions. They also begin forming opinions about bigger worldviews and become concerned about social issues. This all culminates in a young adult who has hopefully synthesized emotions, coping skills, experiences, appreciation of others and their situations, all of this with the knowledge that their foundation is solid in family and the Lord.
Below are some articles and books for further reference.
Resilience guide for parents and teachers
Resilience: pre-teens and teenagers
Speaking of Psychology: How to build kids’ resilience, with Mary Alvord, PhD
Kids and Teens Need Resilience
The Seven Cs of Resilience and How Parents Can Build Resilient Children
How to Build Resilience in Children and Teens
Resilient Children: Show your Children how to Fall, Rise, and Fight Back with Grit and Courage to Grow into Unshakable Adults by Susan Runnels
Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings by Kenneth R Ginsburg MD MS Ed FAAP and Martha M Jablow
